*While half the damm state of Texas is underwater, our trusty leader is on vacay up in Camp David. With the fourth largest city in the country underwater, Donnie T. sends out tweet after tweet, not mentioning once, the city of Houston. But what he did mention was a bullshit book review/plug for “guy who looks dumb in a cowboy hat” pitchfork-wielding Sheriff of Milwaukee – David Clarke. This is the same guy who oversaw four deaths in his jail in a year, one being a mentally ill inmate whodied of dehydration from being denied water. Another fine ally of our president. Sheesh…I need a beer.
*Eddie Munster all grown up lookin’ speaker of the house, Paul Ryan, finally had one of his balls drop this weekend and publicly disagreed with his parasitic host Donnie T, and denounced the prez’s decision to pardon lawbreaking racist, and yes, another Sheriff, Joe Arpaio. Ryan, who waited for a litany of Republicans whom actually have testicles such as war hero John McCain, to publicly admonish the POTUS in hopes that his comments would get lost in the sound and fury. Sorry Paul, good luck when Donnie sees that.
*Secretary of State, sexy Rexy Tillerson claimed today that, “the president speaks for himself.” Okay Rexy, so we can assume you were speaking for yourself when you said, “We recognize the (climate change) policy is important to the public, we need to somehow reflect that.” Yes…somehow, somehow…still nothing? No ideas? Nothing jumping out at ya? Oh boy. Heres one for starters: RECOGNIZE CLIMATE CHANGE EXISTS! Then go tell your boss!
*Legions of rich people flocked to Vegas for the Conor McGregor-Floyd Mayweather punching spectacle. The real fight happened when fans realized they were paying $15 dollars for a Bud Light. Floyd will collect $2million in a ridiculously glaring acumen of our priorities in this country. Rich gettin’ richer…how about it Floyd, maybe kick down half of that to some flood relief victims? Sheeeit…he could be heard saying as he whisked off to the Vegas strip club he owns.
*Japan beat Texas today to take home the little league world series.
*Few dudes tore ACL’s in preseason NFL action…Julian Edelman, patriots bad mofo receiver amongst them…Roger Goodell was seen secretly tiny clapping.
*A dude I’ve never heard of, on a show I’ve never watched, came out as gay today. “Nurse Jackie” star Haaz Sleiman, declared his open sexuality, while not stopping there proclaiming, “Not only am I a bottom, but I’m also a total bottom, which means I like it up you know where.” Yes, my friend…we know where. Good on ya there for being so…uhhh…open.
*The egregiously paradoxical MTV Video Music Awards are tonight…funny since there are no videos, and sampled fax machine beeping that Drake passes off as music will somehow be rewarded. I venture to guess, someone will use the stage to insincerely make a political statement denouncing (insert: cops, Trump, KKK, Hurricanes, nature, VMA’s, goddamn climate change, Hillary, gluten, or any number of foreign crisis which they know nothing about) before climbing into a limo and driving back to the crib.
Whew….that’s the weekend rehash….I need another beer.